belz

There are so
Many mo!

• • •
 

Don’t hector
Berlioz; speak
sweetly to him.

• • •
 

Not
Ja Rule

• • •
 

The biggest mistake I ever made was breaking your heart,
if by ‘breaking your heart’ you mean trading my Dwight Yoakam
belt buckle for the false sense of pride with which I entered
my current position at Whirlpool. Wow am I not good at this.

• • •
 

When people say I’m a skolar I say well
look, it really took a lifetime of work
most of which goes unseen, unheralded,
not to mention unrumunurated.

In Layman Sturms: I don’t get paid!
But yes, call me a skolar. I am at least that
if not something else almost entirely.
Look, none of this is my “cup of tea.”

If you have farther inquiries, send them
to Layman Sturms. Or her secretary,
a big fella I’ve only ever heard referred to
as Alpha Dog Cheese Dick the Second.

• • •
 

“Lose thyself”
-Eminemerson

• • •
 

I wonder if Kant, lacking
inspiration, ever muttered,
“More like Immanuel CAN!”
and if so—whether that worked.

• • •
 

My favorite composer
Of the modern era
Is the inimitable Russian,
Shakitov. Shakitov
Reminded us to resist
Haters. What haters
Do, indeed what they
Gonna do, is not
Only offensive but
Profoundly repetitive.

• • •

Consider crackabrick: Word nonexistent
until now, might make teeth tingle
to try it. Consider also slurpwhistle.
Maybe you already know this texture?

I have a burgundy fanny pack I got at a
camping goods store in Surrey in 1991.
1989, rather. Nineteen-nightly. Ninety!
“Nightly”? What an unacceptable slip.

Surrey is in England. Surely you know of it.
Surly was the man who sold me the pack.
Shirley was his name. Slurringly I spoke.
“Slurpwhistle,” I said. “Crackabrick.”

• • •
 

I renamed my children Mammon, Ursula, and Nightshade
partly because I was tired of their original names
and partly because it was well within my power to do so,
and I, being one Maleficent Lucifer Mephistopheles,
suffered no end of joshing and tittering amongst schoolyard
chums when I played sticks as a tot, so why in the name
of Jezebel X. Lovecraft should their childhood experiences
be any different? Shoot me an email sometime, Jeff.
I’m not hearing from anyone and it seems as though
my wand is officially broken now. Accomplishes nothing.

• • •